I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
