their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
