Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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