remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
