just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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