just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
