I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
