just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
