I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
