I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
