is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
