I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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