I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
COCAINE IS GR8
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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