I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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