all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
