Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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