Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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