If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
