i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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