Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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