i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
