i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
