i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
