At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
