I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
