State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
