Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
