11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
