Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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