Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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