So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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