wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't turn off my feet"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
