well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
