Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
