just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
