just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
