dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
