Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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