This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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