your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
