He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
