ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
