This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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