I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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