so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
