I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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