I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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