my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
