My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
