Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
