I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
