You just made me feel so damn special
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
