let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
