They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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