I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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