chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
